May 2015, I just get back from the
dentist who asked me before doing x-rays if I could be pregnant. Thinking twice
but answering no, I took a pregnancy test when I got home just to be sure. It
was positive. I took another. Positive. I can hardly wait for josh to get home
from work for his lunch break before I burst into a big smile and ask him to
guess what?! I gesture to the countertop where I have 3 positive pregnancy
tests sitting. We felt excitement, surprise and nervousness. It’s been two
years since our last positive test ending is loss. Anxious and hopeful I made
the appointment to see an Ob/gyn and we saw our little sweet pea for the first
time. A huge weight was lifted off our shoulders when we heard the most amazing
sound we could hear, a fast thump, thump, thump….a heartbeat! Could this be our
rainbow baby?! I had first trimester sickness and felt like death most of this
time but so happy for the symptoms because it meant baby was thriving… even if
I wasn’t! I remember wishing for my birthday this year that baby would continue
to grow healthy and strong and that wish has turned into prayer, continued to
this day.
(We hear her heartbeat for the first time and we are soooo happy)
(17 week pregnant)
We decided we would keep the news
to ourselves until twelve weeks and then announce our great news to Josh’s
family first at his dad’s 60th birthday party. All of his family
would be together so it was the perfect time. Josh could hardly wait to tell
anyone, he had a great gift idea for his dad to open. A picture frame which
inside had a custom eye chart, which read “Congrats pop of eleven” (we call him
“pop”) varying size letters made the saying more difficult to read and after
some guessing his dad got it. I would be seeing my family the very next week
since they would all be together for my neice, KayeDean’s baptism. Josh was
unable to come so we made the announcement via skype. He gave my family a tour
of our apartment and announced one of the rooms to be the nursery. Everyone was
so excited. On July 21st we
announced to the world we were expecting after keeping it a secret for what
felt like an eternity.
(Our facebook announcement)
I began researching birth options
and reading everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and birth. We
decided on the Bradley Birth Method as the best fit for our family. I decided I
wanted to learn and prepare for a natural, un-medicated birth. So, I created my
birth plan and started implementing the things I was learning. The knowledge we
took away from those 12 classes were invaluable throughout my pregnancy and
imperative for labor and delivery. I knew I had to be my own health advocate
and do the research so I could make the best possible educated decisions for
myself and my family. I knew I would be interested in what I was learning but I
also wanted Josh to learn so that we could discuss our wishes for birth and
have a plan. Bradley classes were perfect because they empowered him throughout
the process .When I was in labor he knew my wishes and could and did make
informed, educated decisions on my behalf. He was also taught how to be an
active helpful participant in my labor and delivery. I could not have labored
so comfortably for as long as I did if it were not for my husband. The classes
definitely helped me realize the importance of nutrition and staying active
during pregnancy and explained how to implement them including specific
exercises to ensure Emma is in the optimal position for birth to avoid C-section.
After the second trimester hit it
was a whirlwind of routine doctor appointments, buying anything and everything
I anticipated needing for our new addition and reading books like Ina May’s
guide to Childbirth (an excellent book, highly recommend) and Le leche League’s
guide to breastfeeding. At 16 weeks we found out we are having a girl! She was
being a bit stubborn crossing her legs and making it difficult for us to see
but the ultrasound tech was confident. I was a bit surprised because I thought
we were having a boy. Josh thought it was a girl all along
and he’s proud of that. Men love being right. We are both so excited to have a daughter.
The third trimester was here before
I could blink. My sister-in -law, Dawn, threw me a beautiful tea party baby
shower and it was something out of a dream. It was complete with flowered china
plates, lace linen and tea cups, various hot teas and finger foods galore. In
addition to most of Josh’s side of the family, my mom and best friend Sarah
were able to make it and it was so fun and meaningful to me for everyone to be
there.
After 33 weeks my stomach seemed to take off. For me, I felt huge after
week 12. A week before my due date, Josh injured his knee at work and threw a
wrench into the mix. I was trying to remain calm. We live on the 3rd
floor, have two dogs and with him being out of commission and me 9 months
pregnant I was stressed. Thankfully, (and I feel truly blessed) my mom flew in
a couple days before the “due date” anticipating Emma would come early or at
least “on time” and was a huge help and stress relief. If you know my mom, you
know she is amazing. She could not have been more helpful she cooked, cleaned,
shopped, took the dogs on walks, made doctor appointments and so much more. I
hope I can be like her one day.
(35 weeks pregnant)
(40 weeks pregnant with my mama)
At 40 weeks when I went in for my
weekly checkup I was 3cm dilated so we were hopeful Emma would come soon. I always hated this…”due date”. I knew all
along it was a estimation date and knew I would go late as majority of first
time moms do but alas it came and went. I tried all the old wives tales as most
do in hopes to kick start labor including acupuncture, acupressure, exercise,
foods/drinks, bouncing on therapy ball, sex, primrose oil, red raspberry leaf
tea, and castor oil! I tried Castor oil 3x’s and all I got was false labor! The
pressure was on. I was overdue. I knew my midwife would be talking of induction
at 41 weeks (which I was NOT willing to do unless medically necessary) and my
dad was supposed to fly in on my due date January 26th but baby Emma
had still not made her arrival and seemed pretty comfy in there so he pushed
back his flight.
On Thursday February 4th,
my mom’s birthday and the day my dad was flying in, I took Castor oil for the 3rd
time! 2oz in the morning as my requested by my mother for her birthday wish.(Emma
to be born) This was the most I had ever taken at one time. YUCK! I found
chasing it with peanut butter toast was the most helpful btw for all you brave
souls. All day, once again, we anticipated the side effects, nothing happened.
My dad flew in at 5pm and we all went out to eat at Chuy’s Mexican restaurant
to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I treated myself to a delicious SPICY burrito.
YUM! We stopped at whole foods around 9pm for a birthday dessert in which I
asked Josh to stay in the car with me while my parents went inside. I was
starting to feel familiar false labor contractions and asked him to start
timing them but to not say anything to my parents. They were about 5-10 minutes
apart and mild.
We got home and the side effects of
the castor oil came in full force! About 10pm, after this intense we will call
“episode of side effects” I rejoined my family in the living room and
nonchalantly told my parents I was having some contractions but that they most
likely were false labor as I had been having in previous days. Everyone was
tired so we went to our rooms, Josh and I decided it was best if we tried to
sleep especially if I was to go into labor that night. I tried but the contractions
were uncomfortable and I kept waking up to them. After sometime I was so agitated
I got into the shower hoping they would calm down and I could get some rest.
When I got out of the shower around 11pm my contractions were still intense, we
knew this could be a sign that this is the real thing since nothing I did was
making them go away but we were still unsure.
Friday, February 5th midnight,
the contractions were getting more intense and closer together and coming at
predictable intervals, anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. I needed to breathe
through them and Josh had to start applying deep counter pressure and massage
to my low back/butt to help me handle the pain…I should say this was the only
way I could handle the pain. We discovered early on he would need to do this
for the entirety of every contraction or I would freak out unable to handle the
pain. We put on the movie Frozen to help get my mind off of them. I don’t
remember watching anything.
We desired and planned to labor at
home as long as possible with the timing of contractions as our guide to when
we needed to head to the hospital. We decided when they were 3 minutes apart
lasting 1 minute or longer we would head over since we were just 10 minutes
away. So when my contractions continued 2-5 minutes apart with the same
intensity at 2:05am we decided to call the midwife just to see what she said.
After hearing me go through 2 contractions she advised we come to the hospital.
We decided we should wake up my mom and tell her to start getting ready. At
3:22am we called Josh’s sister Christi and his mom to tell them we were getting
ready to leave for the hospital and so they could start letting family know the
impending arrival of little Emma very soon! (HA!) After some intense
contractions in the freezing cold while heading to the car and scary visions of
giving birth while on our way to the hospital we made it at 4am and checked in.
(Inbetween contractions 4-5cm dilated at 4am on Feb 5th)
We got to triage and at 4:30am
after what felt like an eternity I was checked. I was dilated to 4-5cm. Are you
kidding me?! Only 4-5cm!! I thought I was getting ready to pop this baby out (says
every first time mom experiencing labor pain) I was disappointed to say the
least since I was dilated to 3cm just a week prior! I knew dilation didn’t
matter and was not an indicator of how fast or slow my labor would progress so
I tried to stay positive and focus on getting through these intense
contractions that were coming so quickly! I was transferred to my Labor,
Delivery, and Postpartum room by 5am and contractions were now 2-3 minutes
apart. Hopeful, I anticipated this baby coming soon and began focusing on finding
a laboring position I thought may be comfortable. I found these to be a limited
few…in the tub, standing and swaying my hips or sitting on a large peanut ball
bouncing but only if Josh was shaking my butt, my poor hubby. It truly helped
me relax my cervix and seemed to make the contractions less intense. Anything
seemed better than lying in that damn bed. I avoided it like the plague.
I have never experienced time the way I did
during my labor. It did not exist. I had no concept of it. At 12:45pm when the
midwife came in to check for progress I knew I had to be getting close to start
pushing as I was getting strong urges and some pressure. I was 5-6cm now.
Little progress for SO MUCH WORK! Refocused and in it for the long haul, I got
back into the tub, tried to listen to my music and breathe/moan through. I
attempted to sleep in-between contractions since I knew I would need any rest I
could get. I had not been to sleep now for over 24 hours and neither had Josh
or my mom who were both actively supporting me physically and emotionally. Josh
never left my side. Every time I opened my eyes he was right there with me. He
continued the steady counter pressure/ butt shaking I had become so accustomed
to in order to get through every single contraction. It was THE ONLY relief I
found. I had a very real fear his arm would fall off since he had now been
shaking my butt every 2-3 minutes for over 12 hours now. He was going through
this labor WITH me. Could you imagine shaking someone’s naked butt during 32
hours of labor? Me either. He loves me.
It’s now 5pm and I was getting
checked again. 5-6cm. No progress! Exhausted and feeling defeated after hearing
this number I couldn’t do anything but cry. This was not the way it was supposed
to go! My labor was supposed to go…naturally! I was supposed to stay awake and
strong forever…or at least until Emma came out! Obviously this was not possible;
I was so tired and still needed to push the baby out. The midwife starts
talking about intervention, breaking my water, Pitocin, epidural ect. All
things I did NOT want. Josh and I asked to discuss our options and the midwife
left the room. We decided an epidural was the best option so that I could rest
enough to push Emma out when the time finally came and then we would break the
water.
Immediately, all the things I was
trying to avoid at the hospital to make labor more comfortable started. I had
to lay flat on my back, on went the blood pressure cuff, fetal monitor on my
stomach, the biggest needle ever stabbed into my hand and all the while going
through these awful, painful contractions. I thought when I said yes to the
epidural the pain would end not get worse! The anesthesiologist finally came in
at 7:01pm and administered the epidural, I could not sit still, and
contractions were still coming close together and now double peaking. I had
contraction after contraction while being told to sit still so all the terrible
things that could possibly go wrong…wouldn’t. I had been laboring naturally for
over 23 hours. I’m now confined to the bed to endure the duration. 7:40pm I’m
still feeling everything! For the first time I’m scared. Now what am I going to
do?! They won’t let me labor out of bed (my only cooping strategy for the pain)
and the epidural didn’t work! I started to pray. Pray. Pray. Cry. Pray. The
nurse calls for anesthesiologist to come back in to find the problem.
She finally came back in at 8:23pm.
Trying to remain as calm as possible this time and praying the contractions
would hold off, I thankfully had only one contraction this time. It worked. At 9:14pm
everyone was finally able to “rest”.Hoping to sleep, all I could do was close my
eyes but finally listen to that calming music that was playing. Some relief and
I could breathe. The epidural seemed to do well at numbing my legs…well, one
leg. The nurses alternated me to each side and it seemed to help even that out
a bit but the epidural never actually numbed the desired area. 10:24pm the
midwife was due to break my water hoping this would get things moving now that
I’ve rested a bit.
Saturday, February 6th,
2016 I’m 41 weeks +3days….10 days overdue! Will this baby come already!?
Remember those phone calls yesterday that baby was coming soon? Yeah, still no
baby. Midnight, the midwife arrives to break my water and check me, I’m now 7cm
dilated but contractions are irregular, between 5-6 minutes apart. The midwife
is concerned I will need to start pushing soon and the contractions will be too
far apart to be effective. She recommends Pitocin to move things along. After
discussing the pros/cons Josh decides to refuse the Pitocin and let my body
react to the water being broken which would move the baby farther down. We ask
for more time to dilate and see what happens.
2am my contractions are coming more
regularly but still farther apart than I would expect at this stage, 4-6
minutes. At 4am, I am 9cm dilated and feeling intense pressure and contractions
again! Feeling is coming back into my legs and I can move them. At 5am the
nurse checked me this time and I am fully dilated but a tiny lip of cervix is
left before I can start pushing. The nurse calls the midwife and asks her to
come into our room as we are getting ready to push and it’s happening fast. Everything
was perfect, Emma was coming down quickly and I had my mom and Josh by my side
and a fabulous nurse all cheering me on. The room was quite, calm and I was
ready. This is it. FINALLY! Around 5:20am still no midwife but baby is coming
and I am pushing. Josh on my left, mom on my right, nurse in the middle, first
push and we can see her head with some hair! I get so excited she has hair! Four
sets of pushes and the midwife finally came in. Emma was on the fast track out!
I push through 2 more intense sets of contractions and she was crowning, 3rd
push and Emma Renee Ryen was born at 5:42am! Did I mention the epidural wore
off? Emma was 7lbs 9oz and 19 inches long. She was caught by her daddy who
handed her to me.
(5:42am the best moment of our lives)
(Cutting Emma's Umbilical Cord)
Yes, my midwife was awesome for letting him do this. Josh
said to catch his daughter and be the first person she touched and looked at
was the coolest experience. She was put
on my chest and snuggled up immediately. We were left alone to spend precious
skin to skin time and getting to know each other while the midwife spent some
time on me. We allowed the cord to stop pulsating before Josh cut it and she
shortly after latched on and began nursing. Sounds to perfect, right? Well, Emma
waited just long enough to come out before pooping all over herself and me while
lying on my chest but I had no idea nor did I care.
We asked to save the placenta for
encapsulation and put it in a mini cooler for a doula to pick up later that
day. Once the midwife finished with me and the zillion nurses left the room,
Josh got some skin to skin with Emma and placed her on his chest while I again
tried to sleep. Emma got her first bath which she loved not crying once. We had
a few visitors that day but kept it pretty low key. I don’t remember much of
anything else that happened that day but that I now had a beautiful angel in my
arms to care for. It has been 6 weeks. Emma is peacefully sleeping and I’m
still in awe that she is ours. I look down at her recalling the first time I
looked at this amazing, beautiful, incredible…no, words
cannot come close to describe what I felt in that moment looking at my daughter
for the first time. I think dang, that was hard but oh my goodness was it so
worth it. In that moment time truly stood still. I thank god every day for
Emma, our miracle. Our “rainbow baby”.
